Those that had high hopes for Jake representing a kinder, gentler Bachelor were quite dismayed last night when he took all three women to the fantasy suite, and likely “scored” with each. Up until Jason’s season, I chose to believe that each B or B-rette was not sleeping with all the “contestants” they took back to the Fantasy Suite, but I have since seen the light. No longer am I innocent to the ways of ABC television. Jake simply followed suit last night. Much to the dismay, so I assume, of the young lady he sent packing at the rose ceremony.
Monday’s ep found Team Jake sunning it up in St. Lucia. As usual, ABC wasted several minutes at the top of show watching Jake walk around, contemplate, and sigh – then we got to the “good” stuff. The first date went to sunny Gia. I have to say, I have grown to really like Gia over the last few weeks. I was unsure what to think of her at first, but she seems to be a real woman of substance. She doesn’t hold back, but she holds back enough. She’s playing her cards right – and was the only woman that we see throughout the series who was actually nice to Vienna (must have been very difficult). Jake took her on a pretty random date though. They walked through town, drank coconut milk, and bought some hideous puka shell necklaces – which Jake mistakenly chose to wear the rest of the episode. Gia exclaimed, “I’m wearing this necklace on my wrist the rest of my life!” Even she wouldn’t wear that thing around her neck.
Swimsuit model Gia was forced to put on her weentsie bikini and go for a romantic makeout session with Jake in the ocean. Then they went back, cleaned up, and met for the requisite candlelight dinner for two poolside/oceanside. Gia looked great, aside from the tiara-like headband and bangs that kept falling in her face. They were busy telling one another how deep the other is, when Jake pulled out the fantasy suite card. Why is every B/B-ette seemingly surprised when this card arrives at this point in the show? Have they never watched this episode before? It happens every season, and every season the twosome “forgoes their individual rooms to spend the night as a couple in the fantasy suite”. Happens EVERY time. Gia and Jake were off to fantasy land, which in this case involved an elaborate bubble bath scene. Ho-hum. While these two clearly have a physical connection, I believe Gia is going home tonight.
The next date was with sweet little Tenley – who is STILL talking about her ex-husband in all the voiceovers. Stop it, Tenley. You are too good for that loser. You are moving on. Let’s all move on together now. Tonight’s show pulled out all the tricks. Next up is yet another helicopter ride. Jake and Tenley take in the awesome sights of St. Lucia from the chopper, and land by an old sugar cane factory for a picnic. Tenley says she wants to make sure Jake feels the same way she does about marriage – which I feel like we have already gone through with these two. I think Jake has been pretty clear about how much he values marriage. But, regardless, we have to discuss it again. These two are cute together. While I think they may be too much alike for Jake, I think this is the best pairing for sure. He even liked that lyrical dance number of hers last week. Hold on to him, Tenley!
When their fantasy suite card arrived at dinner, Tenley thought they should spend the night together to prove to herself and to Jake that she was ready to move on from her ex. I’m not sure you had anything to prove, Tenley. That’s all I will say.
Next up is fan villain, Vienna. She is simply awful. They went sailing on a pirate ship (which I did a couple of weeks ago in Aruba! So fun!) where they behaved like little kids – well, little kids who like to make out. I think this is what Jake loves about Vienna. She’s not serious. She’s not deep. She’s just fun for him. I think he spends so much time acting like the perfect man, that he doesn’t have fun. Vienna brings out that side of him that most women don’t realize he has. They’re just goofy with each other. The danger is that we have seen this before and it doesn’t last. Jason did it with Melissa. He picks the one that’s fun. I am pretty certain that Reality Steve is right and Jake picks Vienna, simply for that reason. She gives him permission to be a goofball and not some buttoned-up pilot.
After their “From Here to Eternity”-like beach scene, they had their version of the requisite candlelight dinner on the beach where the fantasy suite card arrived. However, the card arrived moments after Jake got through telling V that he was in love with ALL the women. “Yes. I have fallen in love with three women…but, let’s go sleep together now, Vienna.” She falls for it hook, line and sinker. They retire to the fantasy suite where V slips into some bad lingerie, closes the doors to the cameras, and off go the lights. So predictable.
The next day, Jake is just doing some male primping in the bathroom, when his phone surprisingly rings.
“Hello”, says Jake.
“Hi. It’s Ali.”
Bum. Bum. Bum.
Ali tries to convince Jake that she made the biggest mistake of her life, and that she’s desperate to come back. She can’t believe she was so stupid. She needs to see him again. Begging, basically. Jake, drawing from all he learned in his acting classes, turns Ali down – as kindly as possible. It’s been a week. He’s moved on. Ali slides down her refrigerator, sinks to the floor and…cue the ugly cry. However, she’s not crying there on the floor of her kitchen. She actually looks kind of OK with the situation. But, then comes the post-interview. The ugly cry takes over and all is lost. Jake stood his ground. He is in love with three other women, after all. Let’s not muddy the waters with a fourth. That would just get too complicated.
Rose ceremony comes. Tenley looks adorable, Gia was dressed by Cache, and Vienna was dressed by David’s Bridal. No lie. There was a bow with rhinestones. Enough said.
Tenley is called first (yeah!). Then…Vienna (boo!). Gia is going home. Jake walks her out and she could not have been more gracious or lovely. She complimented the other girls (after she whispered “good luck” to Tenley) and told Jake he did the right thing. And the best part, no ugly cry in the limo. She was a champ – and is much better off. Good luck, Gia – and now you can remove that hideous necklace/bracelet!
Next week is the “Women Tell All” episode, which I absolutely adore. Rozzzzzzzzzzlyn will be back, that crazy Michelle girl, Ali, and Gia. This will be a good time. Tune in! I’ll be watching and writing!
The are totally setting it up so Aly will be the next bachelorette. If this is true, I will not be watching.
I’m voting that he picks no one. His comment “I would never ask a women to marry me unless I was 100% sure” makes me think he’s going to tell both Tenley and Vienna, “I’m just not sure”. We’ll see?!??!