“Love is what’s making this complicated.” March 1, 2010

Tenley is precious. Yes, maybe a bit too precious. She is kind of like one of those Precious Moments figurines – while, Vienna is like a Bratz Doll.  But, oh my!  Out of all those women, some really quality, lovely women, Jake falls for the Bratz Doll?  They do have an unmistakable connection though, so I’m not surprised by the outcome. Reality Steve spoiled this one for us many weeks ago, but I just kept hoping that he had the wrong information. Certainly Earnest Jake wouldn’t miss out on Earnest Tenley for the Bratz Doll? Certainly. But we were all proven wrong tonight.

I really can’t be bothered to rehash the same last-ditch dates that we see every season. Instead, I’m simply going to list some of my favorite moments of tonight’s three-hour B saga – including the SHOCKING “Dancing With the Stars” cast announcements. More on that later. On to the list…

• Jake, “Love is what’s making this complicated.” For sure, Jake.
• Jake, “Vienna – she’s really smart.” There are no words.
• Sister-in-law, “Vienna is a perfect fit for the Pavelka family.” Did she meet the same Vienna that we have gotten to know over the last few weeks??  Tenley made Jake’s dad cry (in a good way) for goodness sake.
• Vienna’s horribly inappropriate humor and sarcasm while meeting Jake’s family. So horribly uncomfortable.
• More uncomfortable moments…the mud scene in the sulphur springs? Ew.
• The “This End Up” furniture in Vienna’s suite vs. the lovely French country decor in Tenley’s hotel suite. Anyone notice that?
• Tenley, “Tonight is the night I’m going to prove to Jake that our chemistry is real in every single way.”   What in the world did that mean??
• What was up with Jake’s tie during the final rose ceremony? Circa 1990?
• Tenley was a class-act all night, but why did she keep thanking Jake for breaking her heart during the final rose ceremony?  That was ridic.
• Tenley standing up for herself on “After the Final Rose” saying, “I’m glad I’m not Vienna after seeing how in love with both of us you were. That had to be hard for her. How do you explain that?” Snap.
• And, one more – Jeffrey Osbourne!!!!!!!  Wow.  And, the two dance to his “On the Wings of Love” while kissing inappropriately on national TV. Wait, did I say dancing…?

Oh, yes I did. Jake will be joining the likes of Kate Gosselin on “Dancing With the Stars” this season. Think he’ll last long? Not me. That man is not loved in America these days.  Let’s hope Jake’s 15 minutes are over soon. He’s worn out his welcome. I’ve had enough.

Signing off for this season of the Bachelor. Wonder what Facebook will do without Ali for a few months??  Hope they find some way to manage…

Women Tell All – on Rozzzzzzlyn February 23, 2010

This may be a bit of a stream of consciousness post. Sorry about that. Just confessing now, since this will probably be horribly written. I’m watching and typing at the same time.

Saying that though, I am not even going to give the first 40 minutes of the “Women Tell All” special any attention. What a waste of air time. Do we really need to see the former Bs and B-ettes hooking up, followed by doing some charity work? I know ABC is trying to create some interest around their new show with the former contestants, but we no longer care. They’re just not that interesting. Truly. (Not sure they ever were, actually). So, onto the good stuff.

First up, sweet Gia. I’m so glad Jake let her go. She’s a class act. Loved it when she said she’s so glad she came on the show, and wouldn’t change anything, because she learned so much about herself. That’s pretty introspective for the usual cast of bimbos. Go forth and prosper, Gia.

Now for crazy Michelle. Loved the “highlight” reel of her wacky, obsessive antics – especially that AWKWARD kiss. How terrible. What must that look like to her on the big screen? Mortifying. She says she “had no clue”. I think that pretty much sums her up. She has no clue. Not sure why Ali found the need to interrupt and interject her own experience into Michelle’s interview. Thanks, Ali. Why are the girls ragging on her for not trying to make friends with them? Why does that matter? But, she does need a therapist.  She is a little emotionally unstable. We can all use a good therapist. Don’t knock it, Michelle.

Next up…Ali.

Cue the highlight reel. Totally forgot about the peacock feather. Sweet moments between the two of them. Too bad Facebook has her heart.  Now comes the ugly cry…but no collapse in the hallway? Bummer. OK…the interview.  She misses him. She has watched too many romantic comedies though, thinking he would get on a plane and come find her?  Aw. Nice of her to apologize to Vienna, but I think she’s trying to make nice so she can be better suited to be the next B-ette. Would she choose love over her job knowing what she knows now? Yes, she would. Good girl.

Rozzzzzzlyn…here she comes!  Why are they keeping her backstage? They are treating this like it’s the scandal of the century. So much hype over so little.  It’s funny living here in Richmond because everyone has a Rozzzzlyn story here. Very funny.  And, what is that dress??

Chris apologizes to her for the he said/she said business. Classy. But, he does want to dig in. Here we go! So, what is true, Rozzzzlyn?  Her friendship with the producer started during the interviews in Richmond. Nothing inappropriate though – ever. Nothing ever happened, according to Rozzzzlyn. Snap, Valishia! “Calling your son, and this issue are completely separate.”  Why is Rozzzzzlyn sounding like such a bee-yotch??  You go, Chris Harrison! Comparing her lies to his sons stories of unicorns is hilarious. This is good stuff.  She is delusional. This is sad.  She is boldface lying on this show. Why would all of the other girls make up these detailed stories?  Cr-azy.  Chris Harrison is cracking me up. He is being rather bold tonight. I am appreciating him more than ever. Wow. Now I know why she wasn’t on the stage the entire show! Things may have come to blows between Rozzzzzlyn and Chris! This is good stuff. She tries to get in a last zinger claiming Chris “hit on” the producer’s wife in New Zealand. Chris held his ground by not even responding to that (nice restraint) but wait…the producer is married?!?!  So many questions left unanswered at the end of this segment, but this was good. Some of my fave B moments ever!  I feel sorry for Rozzzzzz though. She actually believes what she’s saying, and now the entire world knows she’s a liar. Her poor son.

Jake’s up next…no confrontation with Rozzzzlyn?  Boo.  The earnestness is back – in spades. Ugh. Gushy gushy over Gia. Near tears over Ali – but oddly insincere. “You’ll always have a friend.”  Nice. Kathryn is still bitter over the two-on-one date. That’s sad.  She was hardly on the show so I know they barely got to know each other at all. She can’t still be that upset. Enough of that sappy stuff, onto the bloopers reel…the flamingos were classic.

Chris: “Are you happy with your decision?”

Jake: “Yes. I’m happy.”

That’s it???  No, “have you found love?”  ”Yes! I am so in love!” Just, “I’m happy.” What is that all about??  So disappointing. Leading me to believe my own theory is true…he chooses Vienna but quickly dumps her.

“Will Jake choose sugar, or will he choose spice??”  Nice job, promo announcer!

Back to the final moments of the show. What makes the conclusion so controversial? Not sure. What I am sure of though, is that there is an “ugly cry while leaning over the railing” moment.  Can’t wait for next week!